In my last posting, I wrote about how I engaged God as my matchmaker through a prayer. I knew that it would take time but like most women, I secretly wished that the doorbell would ring the next day and a tall, dark, handsome, rich and spiritual man would stand by the doorway with a T-shirt that says, “From God”.
However, the Bible says in Isaiah 55:8, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways”. God knows that unless He changes my character and renew my value system, I will not be able to see as He sees and choose as He chooses.
Alexander Graham Bell has a quote that says, “Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.”
We all want to be successful in our relationships. We want to be happy. We want to walk down the aisle and say,“I do”. We want to live happily ever after.
But guess what? God wants to be successful too in bringing people together. He wants to be successful as your Match Maker. He does not just want you to be hitched; He wants you to be happily married and He wants your marriage to bring glory to His name.
That is why He needs to prepare us for the journey ahead. Traditionally, many parents are conscientious about preparing their children for school – to be proficient at languages, math, science, arts and sports. We send them from one enrichment center to another and prep them for one test to the next. And for some of us, we may try to instill some values into their lives along the way.
However, many parents fail to train or prepare their children especially their daughters for adulthood, for womanhood, for marriage. In most countries, the legal age to enter into a marriage contract is 18 years old. Hence, legally speaking that is the age we enter into adulthood and hence womanhood.
More often than not, many women stumble their way into their womanhood and marriage rather than being prepared to enter this important season of their lives. I was one of those who tried to figure my way in the dark. I had often wished that I had someone in my life to guide me and show me the way.
In this book entitled 'Lady in Waiting' by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones, it says,
”Learning to be a woman is the key to fulfillment as a woman. A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does the housework, not even when she joins a women’s liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be.”
And that is exactly what God did; He began to prepare me to become who He wants me to be.
Be a Woman who is FREE to receive love and give love
In John 8:35-36, it says that a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son (Jesus) makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
God knows that in order for us to enter into this relationship with Him wholeheartedly, we need to be free from our lives of bondage and sin. Hence, God gave us Jesus to be that redemption for us and poured out His Holy Spirit so that we can walk in freedom (Luke 4:18) and start a new relationship with Him.
What is true in the spiritual is also true in the natural. God broke the bondage of my past. I struggled with the issue of parental abandonment (see blog post – Beginning My Journey). I had been molested as a child and even when I was a teenager and that trauma created ungodly beliefs about men and relationships in general. I was not able to trust that any one of them would protect, provide or love me for who I am. The numerous failed relationships in my life had also brought about ungodly soul-ties and caused me to be weighed down in my emotional life.
I began to allow people and circumstances around me to put a value on my self worth. Those ungodly beliefs* about my self-image affected my thinking and robbed me of my joy in life. I was an unhappy person, and I became imprisoned in my world of bondage.
(*Ungodly beliefs are beliefs about anything that is not in agreement with the Word of God)
God began to bring clarity to my situation when I started to pray and read His word. As I draw near to God and began to yield to the Holy Spirit, He progressively set me free just as indicated in Luke 4:18.
For a period of 5 years before Derek and I came together, I had a special journey with God. The constant fasting and praying in the Spirit helped me to consecrate my life and renew my mind about God’s love for me, about who am I, about godly marriages and about the power of God. When my mind was renewed, I began to see the benefits of the choices that I made regarding my life, my friendships and the man I know I need and want.
You may be single but it does not mean that you are emotionally available to engage in a healthy relationship. You can leave a relationship physically but your soul is still emotionally tied to that person(s) because of unresolved grievances, bitterness or unforgiveness. As a result, no meaningful relationship can exist if your soul is preoccupied with something or someone else. You may look whole on the outside but deep down your emotions may be so fragile that it barely can withstand any pressure.
Romans 12:2 – And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
I wanted my love story to be different. I wanted the perfect will of God. But I know that only when I am set free from my sin and guilt then I can begin to see as God sees and choose as He chooses. And today I can declare that I have been set free, and I have seen as God sees and chose as God chooses.
Do you want your story to be different?
Are you also waiting for His perfect will?
Pray the prayer (see blog post God is my matchmaker – The Prayer) and allow God to prepare and transform you to be freed up and available to love; first for Him and then for that godly relationship.
God’s desire is for us to enter into a relationship with Him first and through this relationship, we realign our relationships with others. This will then lead us into a healthy and godly relationship with that special someone. Our relationship with God is the foundation for every other relationship and that determines the degree of our success in these relationships.
Are you single but not available? Does your past haunt you? Do you have ungodly beliefs about yourself and your situations? Talk to your pastors and your leaders and they will be able to help you. You don’t have to struggle alone.
The earlier you are freed up, the sooner you are ready for a meaningful relationship with God and with him.
To be continued…
Love, Susan Dunn